Titanic: Murdoch's Final Journey
by AdventureBound
Summary: Listen to a very different tale told by the 1st Officer William Murdoch as he recounts the days and upto his death on board the Titanic. Will he find closure and finally be able to put an end to his endless haunting of the Titanic?
1. Prelude

**Disclaimer:**

**Titanic and all of it's passengers belong to the sea, I own nothing, this is a fictional piece of work which is hoped to bring enjoyment to those reading it, but also to honour the memory of every single passenger aboard Titanic that fateful night, survivor or not.**

**This will be a story written from Murdoch's point of view, please no flames. It is also based on the 1997 film.**

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Chapter One: Prelude

I can still feel the breeze in my hair as I step up onto the platform overlooking the deck from the bridge, my hands still cased in my black leather gloves my wife had given me months before my journey on the Titanic. I remember so many things about that night, the memories all seem to be merging as one…One complete memory or one broken promise? I'm not quite sure, I've drifted in and out of that scene every day since my death on the 15th April 1912 at around 2:15am ship time.

I've watched this very sunset a thousand times, my heart always open that this night will be different, that this night I will make a different choice, a different decision. Tonight I'll choose not to 'hard a starboard' maybe that will lessen the damage? Maybe tonight I'll see that iceberg quicker and have enough time to turn before something serious happens…

But every night is the same as it was the first time, sure I tried to change it, but obvious faults and God's own will changes it so that in some way, shape or form the Titanic founders.

I've often wondered if it was fate or the hand of God that presumed my fate aboard the Titanic. I'd come so far in my life, still so young with much left to learn. I anticipated that the Titanic really was the ship of dreams, it was MY dream, and a journey for me to take so that I could better understand what life as a sailor was really all about.

But the "unsinkable" grand ship that Titanic was could not withstand that of a sailor's own faults…

You see the story you all witnessed was just a part of the main story, you saw me at my highest, and you saw my friendly ship mates on their professional wings of fortune. What you didn't see was the lonely, cold and sometimes heartless men and women that they were, especially towards the end…

But then I'm being too harsh, staying out on this sea night after night, attempting to reach an unreachable land has made me a cold heartless man. I long for comfort, for consolidation and an end to this never ending journey I've found myself upon.

I long to see land, to see my wife, to see my family, my home and work the garden, tender to their needs and wants. Not to wake up in a cold lonely bed wondering if this is what fate lay before me for the rest of eternity. You see I have no way of knowing when my journey will come to an end, standing now aboard the deck of the titanic I feel that this journey is only just beginning and as I look down on the deck and see the courting couple embraced in a passionate kiss, I know it is.

As long as I'm here and so are you, will you listen to me tell my tale? Will you hear my words as I recall my journey on board the Titanic? My heart is open and my lips willing to speak words that no-one has been able to hear for so long…I want to tell you MY story, the Murdoch story so that I may be released, so that I may go into…Whatever it is and see my beloved Ada.

Will you journey with me to the past? To the ship….of dreams…..


	2. The Break Of A New Day

Chapter Two: The Break Of A New Day

I had been sitting contemplating what to write in this letter to my sister for a good long while before the words came to me. I'd hardly understood really what was going on, I'd been aboard Titanic since she left Belfast and Ada had met us in Southampton. She'd come aboard and one of my friendly crew members had been showing her around this magnificent vessel.

I knew she'd love it, she was a very keen learner, being a teacher herself the exploration and the thrill of the ship would be more overwhelming than amazing. I'd come off duty and was (at the time) glad of it, this letter to my sister just had to be written. The words began to creep from me like little mysterious words that I'd not normally here myself speak.

I did not know it then but I guess now that I was having some sort of "sixth sense" about it all. As if I was preparing for a goodbye. My letter was finally complete, done and dusted…That was until my lovely wife came into the room followed by an Officer I didn't really know all to well and upon seeing me politely nodded and ended his tour with a farewell to the both of us.

"I take it you enjoyed your tour?" I asked as I stood to greet my beautiful wife, grasping her hands gently in mine and pulling her softly towards me so I could place a feather light kiss on her lips. She replied promptly and gave her own smile back as her arms wrapped about my waist.

"The tour was wonderful dear, oh how you should have seen the beautiful craftsmanship in the grand staircase, the lovely décor and the amazing sights out to sea from the bow!" I couldn't help but laugh as she spoke she had an amazing way of saying things and making them into even bigger things.

"So you like it?" I enquired gazing softly into her eyes. She nodded after a few moments, and then her eyes drifted away. I could tell something was wrong, I knew her better than she knew herself at times. This time was no exception, I pulled my hand from around her waist, her head and eyes had drifted to looking out the window beside us in my crew cabin.

"What's wrong my dearest?" I asked, gently turning her eyes back to gaze into mine. She looked sad, not depressed or unhappy just solemn. "I will miss you so much William." I knew it was serious; she never called me William unless it was. "I know Ada….I know." Was all I could say, we'd had this talk before and I didn't want it to turn into an argument...

"Do you?" She questioned me looking deep into my eyes and soul, I stared back into hers remembering the day we married, the day I asked her to marry me and back to the day we first met. They say its love at first sight and I felt that the day we met. She stole my heart, my everything but the sea kept us apart for a while and though I knew I was strong enough for the bond between us never to be broken, I often found myself wondering if she was strong enough to keep the love alive whilst I was gone.

So this made it all the more difficult, my attentions were fully on the long journey ahead, the long journey being the future with Ada, the future on Titanic as it's chief officer once Henry disembarked - if he disembarked and other such duties as a seaman. I had no words to speak but only those that would comfort my upset wife at this time, my words were shaky but true…Always true.

"I do my dearest Ada, I promise when I return you and I will vacation together somewhere peaceful and quiet and then, when it is time for me to return to the sea once again I'll write you daily. Telling you of my troubles and my joys, but most of all my sorrows at being away from you." I touched her cheeks lightly with the back of my fingers, gazing lovingly at her. She seemed to understand and seemed to be a little easier, her grip slacked and she smiled brightly kissing me softly again on the lips.

"Send my love…" She spoke as she pulled back, I eyed her curiously not understanding the moment until she pointed to the letter I had on my desk unsealed as of yet. So taking to paper I began to write a P.S and signed it before sending it on its way…

A couple of hours had passed and whilst my short break from my duties to write my letter had come to an end, a new beginning was developing out at the ships decks. People were gathering at the railings to wave off their loved ones, I was on duty at this time, and whilst on route to them I looked over the railings and saw my beloved wife on the decks with other official's wives waving them off. I wasn't quite sure she could see me; I wasn't stood with the rest of the crew, merely passing on my way to other duties.

I raised my hand, feeling a sense of pride and emotion welling up inside me, I knew I'd miss her terribly, she was my beloved, my life and I couldn't wait to get back to her. I stood there waving for a while but she didn't appear to see me and so finally, realizing I was becoming seriously late for my duties I hurried off and left the railings and others to wave goodbye to their loved ones.

That day was full of emotion for not only me, my wife and everyone aboard or not aboard. But also for other crew members and Captain Smith, for this was a day of discovery, a day of many days to come where they would be in control of the grandest ship ever to sail the sea, the Titanic…the ship of dreams, today we looked forward to an uneventful journey with clear open sea's and the beginning of a life yet to be lived to its fullest…

Little did we know just how wrong we were…Little did I know that as my eyes left that of my wife stood on the dock….That, that would be the last time I'd ever see her…Except for in my dreams…


	3. Friendly Confessions

**Chapter Three: Friendly Confessions**

It didn't take us long to reach Cherbourg and pick up more passengers for our journey to New York. With everything more or less going swimmingly since we left Southampton, I was finally relieved of duty for the day and made my way to my cabin to retire for some well deserved silence and relaxation before we reached Queenstown.

Once again I'd more than likely be there on duty overseeing the tenders that would be ferrying even more guests to this luxurious liner for our journey to New York. I was approaching my door, almost home free when I heard a familiar voice call out from behind me.

"Will!" Henry called out to me; I just hoped he wasn't going to ask me to return to my duties just of yet. Though I admired and greatly respected my Chief Officer Henry Wilde, I couldn't quite help but wonder why he was here. Surely I'd proved myself worthy enough to Captain Smith on the Olympic?

I shook the thoughts from my head as silly nonsense and looked to my friend now stood beside me. "Hello Henry." I smiled in return fiddling with the key in my hands, trying to get the key into the lock so that I could cross the line of 'no return' for a short while, Henry was a good master of willing someone into performing the 'small task' that turned out to be 'the BIG task that took hours out of your rest time.'

"What can I do for you?" I enquired, he seemed edgy, like something was on his mind, and he failed to respond immediately, so I pressed further, this time ceasing my fumbling with the keys, genuinely concerned for the welfare of my friend.

"Can we chat?" He asked, rather more seriously than I'd expected, this had to be serious and I nodded. I turned to my door and unlocked it steadily, with calm hands and a clear mind. I stepped in and allowed him to follow on behind me.

My key was dropped on a nearby table and I quickly poured two stiff drinks for me and my friend. I offered it to him but he politely refused. "I can't stop Will I'm on duty."

"Then what are you doing here?" I asked, again his manner was disturbing me, I didn't want to keep him from his duty, Captain Smith would have his head, let alone my own. But he was reluctant to speak; he almost sat down in the chair across the room but decided a gentle pace would be sufficient for now.

"Will…Will I don't know about this ship." He finally spat out, much to my slight amusement. "What do you mean old chap?" I enquired, sitting on the edge of the bed and sipping at my drink.

"There's a very odd feeling to this ship, it baffles me and confuses the darn heck out of me. It's almost as if we shouldn't be out here…As if we're tempting fate." He sighed dejectedly and finally collapsed back into my chair. I could tell all too well that this was annoying him, it was written all over his face. "Henry come on…This is Titanic, not the Olympic, not any other vessel that's just waiting for disaster to happen. She's unsinkable remember?"

"I know, I know Will…Its just…" Henry sighed heavily again his hands covering his eyes as he rubbed them with the palms. "Maybe I'm just tired, not even two days in and I'm already stressed to pieces." Henry worked himself up a lot; I always figured that it was because he cared so much. He was a hard worker and had to be to get where he was today.

I took a long sip of my drink, staring down at it for a long moment before looking up at him. "You're not tired or stressed Henry, you're just anxious. You want this journey to be as big as every one of these people has hyped it up to be." I tried to speak from the heart, but it a gentlemanly way of course. "If it makes you feel any better I have this same anxiety, except I'm slowly letting it go. I'm settling into the Titanic, learning about her, how she runs, her smells, her faces even the way her engines hum in that certain way."

Henry smiled slightly; I knew I was picking him up, even just a little. But this talk would be far from over if I knew Henry Wilde. "I was just thinking about all the press attention this is getting…I mean what if I mess up? Do you think White Star Line would give me the axe?"

"Why on earth would they do that Henry?" I enquired, unbelievably; Henry was one of the best officers you could get. I knew I was now almost definitely contradicting my earlier thoughts. But what the heck, he wasn't a mean person either.

"I'm not….Well maybe I am…I just don't know Will." Henry finished, sitting back in the chair. I was tempted to find some words of humour – a joke maybe that would change the subject. But I knew I couldn't, I wanted him to be able to talk to me, to open up about anything. We were and still are good friends; I wouldn't ever give that up. So I listened to the silence for a long moment, wanting to find the right words when he stood suddenly.

He marched over to the door and paused at grabbing the handle, thankfully because I wasn't finished yet. I followed him to the door, drink in hand and stood beside him. "Can you honestly tell me that you're afraid for your life and safety aboard this ship?" I enquired, he never replied so I continued. "Well you have two choices…You can wimp out of the biggest deal of your life, or you can stay and face it like a man."

He laughed looking at me "Is that what they call first officer to chief officer treatment these days?" I laughed tapping the top of his arm. "Listen whatever it is, we'll face it together, you're my friend, I'm not going to throw you overboard and use you as a life raft."

He laughed and it was a clean result from my point of view. He was easing for now and so I ended the conversation with a friendly confession. "Henry I wouldn't use you for a life raft, I'd just climb up on your shoulders and drown you." He again laughed tapping Murdoch's own shoulder back. "You're right Will; I'll take it all on board."

I smiled once more and finally saw Henry off, watching him return to his duties for a moment before sitting myself. I knew I was going to enjoy this short break, one way or another and so I relaxed back into the chair and began to drift away to the slight breeze of the sea as it whistled past my window.

If Henry was more than just worried he never let it show, I never questioned him about it further except for the night of the sinking. But a lot of things were going to happen between now and then.


	4. Queenstown

**A/N: Hey guys thanks for the reviews they mean a lot to me and help me to continue writing this story, I hope you're enjoying it =)**

**Chapter Four: Queenstown**

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We had arrived bang on schedule for Queenstown; I was overseeing the men as we tied up at Roche Point, unable to dock at the port itself. It was here that I finally marvelled at the sheer size of Titanic. Once we were secured I asked permission to go to my quarters to take some time to write to my family once again, this time mother and father.

It wasn't often that I wrote them, father wasn't the easiest of men to get along with, and whilst he was incredibly proud of me I felt there was nothing I could do that would be quite good enough to show him that I am a man, an honourable and worthy sailor, I am or was honoured to be serving aboard the Titanic on her maiden voyage and possibly looking forward to a lengthy career with her.

I feel my lips and chest quivering with the slight shake of laughter, thinking back now on the day I wrote that letter, how very odd of me to feel that I should show that much love and affection in my letter. Though it was all heart felt, now I wish I had said even more. This would be the last time mother, father, my sisters and my Ada would ever hear from me. I should have written more…

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After an hour or so I'd finished writing the letter and sent it on its way. I'd expected to hear from anyone upon reaching Queenstown but to my unfortunate luck, the mail from Agnes would arrive to late and Titanic would be sailing westbound.

I took these spare few moments whilst more passengers were boarding to walk the length of the ship. The weather was fair and so far we'd not seen much trouble in that respect, I hoped it stayed that way, but that was yet to be seen. Walking up to one of the lifeboats, I remarked just past it at the davit, seemed like I was having some sort of sixth sense, I could hear people all around me screaming, I looked around me but shook my head, knowing I was only imagining it. I reached toward the davit, my hand resting on the metal of it; as soon as my hand touched it I heard a loud scream and felt like someone hand barged past me knocking me forward. I fell towards the davit but spun quickly looking up and down the deck.

There was no-one there of course and though the sweat trickled down my brow, I could literally feel my heart pounding. "What was that?" I asked myself bringing my hand up to wipe my brow before shifting back steady on my feet and pushing myself off the lifeboat, turning around to face it again. "I must be dreaming…" I thought daring myself to reach out and touch the davit once more.

It took a lot of courage, more than I knew I had in me, I wasn't a brave man or at least I didn't think I was just at that moment. No matter what had happened before on previous ships, right at that moment my hand was trembling like a cowardly kitten. I eventually made contact with it, unfortunately for Lightoller; my hand also connected with the top of his head and sent his cap flying down the deck.

He'd come up behind me and spoken but hadn't gained my attention. So when I failed to reply he placed his hand on my shoulder, I spun around and caught the top of his head, sending him backwards slightly before my hand instinctively reached out and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, to stop him from flying down on to the floor and quite profoundly on to his buttocks.

"What on Earth is the matter Will?" He began tracing his cap and placing it back on his head neatly, straightening his uniform too. "I err…" I stuttered, looking back and forth between him and the lifeboat. "Will, you look like you've seen a ghost?" He began to laugh slightly before walking back to me and placing his hand on my shoulder. "Let's get you into the mess and give you a strong cup of coffee!"

I couldn't speak; it was as if I was trapped in a dream like state, unable to comprehend the living world with any measure of ability. I looked back as Lightoller dragged me away, all the while unable to shake what had just happened to me off. Once out of sight of the damn thing and into a doorway, I stopped, pulling away before grabbing Lightoller's shoulders and pressing him back against the wall.

"What the devil is wrong with you today?" He asked again, this time I was deadly serious. "Something weird just happened to me out there!" I stated, knowing full well this man could take this to the Captain and I'd be confined until we reached New York. He looked at me baffled, nodding slowly "Okay who are you and what have you done with William McMaster Murdoch 1st officer of the Titanic."

I stared at him, baffled myself at what I was doing, here I was holding this man against a wall, this man – my friend who was trying to help me – against a wall, staring at him like he was trying to do me harm. I released my grip quickly and shook my head; he smiled slightly and brought his hand up to my shoulder. "Will, let's get to the mess and have a chat, I'm due a break and we're not yet ready to leave for New York…"

I followed compliantly as he lead me into the officer's mess and sat me down whilst he brought over two cups of strong coffee. I sipped at it, not sure of the taste, I wasn't the world's biggest coffee drinker and to be honest it wasn't really helping a great deal. But it was the thought that counted. "Will…?" I heard him ask, looking up at him slowly and resting the cup on the table in front of me. My eyes were tired and I rubbed them for a moment before finally speaking to him.

"I apologize Charles, my actions are unjustifiable, I'm not quite myself today. Tired I guess and anxious to get Titanic moving towards New York." I really did feel at the time I spoke those words that, that was my true reasoning for seeing and hearing what I did. It was all starting to make sense and Lightoller only confirmed it and reassured it.

"Will…We're all anxious to get to New York, it's been a long time coming I guess old chap, but we should just take each day as it comes. No sense in letting all the excitement and anxiousness get to us, it'll only make us less able to the jobs we were brought here to do…"

"You're right of course Charles…I know you are…" I sighed a hefty sigh and finally smiled up at him. "What the devils up with me today I've really got it on me!" I laughed, straightening myself up, feeling better for having spoken with one of my friends and crewmates about it. Lightoller was good at this sort of stuff a lot of men never confessed their problems but if they did Lightoller was normally around to help them. I knew he'd survive, Lightoller was one in a million and not even the Titanic sinking could stop him.

Once again I look back now at this memory with fond amusement, silly things that happened like this, that brought our friendship closer, we were a team, all of us were. The Titanic hadn't and wouldn't have taken that from us. We were a team before the collision and we were a team still after it, some of us made it, some of us didn't but for those that did, it meant having to relay our last moments alive and that was a job I'm glad I never had to do.

"You're on bridge duty within the next couple of hours Will? He asked me, I checked my watch and nodded, standing I knew it was time I went and got some rest before hand and let my friend return to his duties. We walked together to the counter and placed our cups down on it before walking together back out onto the deck.

Lightoller couldn't resist walking over to one of the lifeboats and proceeding to imitate me scared; I laughed and walked over to him, knocking his cap off watching him chase after it down the deck again before turning and smiling as I walked away in the opposite direction.

"It's not over yet Will!" I heard him call; I laughed waving my hand over my shoulder and heading back to my quarters to get some rest.


End file.
